Whenever I buy something for myself, there has to be a good reason for it. I am often able to justify a purchase if I think it will help me feel more put together. “Put together” can mean different things to me and is very dependent on whatever I’m going through at the moment. Sometimes a $20 purchase can go a long way in making me feel this way. Sometimes this feeling requires a ~$2000 purchase. My point is being able to spend more does not equal having it all figured out. Here are seven things I bought in pursuit of that feeling. Some worked and some didn’t.
The Celine Bag
Cost: ~$1,500? $2K? (I don’t remember the exact price).
It was my birthday and I had just gotten married. I was on the last stop of my honeymoon. I was starting a new job when I got back. I decided I needed something to make me look and feel put together in this next phase of life. I wasn’t necessarily shopping for a Celine bag, but when I tried it on in the store, something clicked. Then, I decided not to get it. I had my mind set on Loewe (when in Spain, I guess). But then, I couldn’t sleep that night thinking about that purse. I went back the next morning and they had sold the last one, so I spent the hours before my flight running across Barcelona in search of the one other bag left in that style and color.
It was everything I wanted. Brown, buttery soft, not heavily branded. It made every single outfit better and I didn’t question the purchase or think about the money once.
Then I had my daughter. It’s very hard to wear a soft leather shoulder bag when a tiny human is projectile spitting up on you. To be clear, it isn’t about being precious. I wore white jeans while potty training. It’s about all the stuff you have to carry when you have a tiny baby.
For all of her stuff, I carried a Bugaboo backpack diaper bag instead (which I HATE). And now that she’s a little older and the Celine could technically be functional again, it still doesn’t work because what I need is essentially a garbage bag. I need something I can throw pouches into, her toys, wipes, maybe a diaper that needs to be thrown out at a later time (pee only, okay!).
What I carry now is a green leather tote. I don’t even know the brand. I think it’s from Spain? Guess I got my Spanish purse after all. I paid about $100 for it second hand and it holds everything including a change of clothes for her, and my keys and wallet are permanently buried at the bottom under half-used napkins and Legos.
As previously discussed, we’re potty training, so the diaper bag is close to fully retiring, but I still don’t think it’s time to bring back the Celine. Maybe when I’m out without her, which is about 1% of the time. For now it sits on a shelf in my closet where I can admire it from afar.
Verdict: 100% proven, no regrets. I’d buy it again in a heartbeat and look forward to the day I can give it to my daughter. I will come back to the bag when it functionally makes sense again.
The La Ligne Marilyn Jeans
Cost: $175, down from $250
I bought the jeans on a whim on Shopbop because I saw they were on sale. They were full price on La Ligne’s site at the time so I couldn’t resist. I could write a medical journal about the physiological things that happen to my body when I discover a “deal” like that.
I’m actually wearing them as I write this. They’re slightly barrel shaped, have a flattering seam detail down the front which makes you look twice in a good way, and are not obviously branded (which as noted above is very much my vibe). They’re my current favorite jean. I’m 5’3” and they are the perfect length for me. I have worn them to WFH, to dinner, on an airplane, to a concert, a house party, barefoot, with flats and heels and everything just works. I love them.
Verdict: 100% proven. Barely any research, no deliberation, they cost a fraction of what my bag cost and they are doing the same job.
The Buck Mason Tank
Cost: ~$48
Back in 2020 I purchased the most perfect white Zara ribbed tank. The fit, the weight, the length: all 11/10. I’m sure you can imagine what it looks like after all this time, but I still own it. I have tried to replace it countless times over the last six years and have failed every single time. I tried Zara again and again, Free People, Reformation, just to name a few brands. None of them worked.
Then I found these tanks and they do the job.
To be clear, the Buck Mason tank is not better than the OG Zara tank when the Zara tank was new. The hem is longer, the straps are different and it doesn’t fit quite the same. But it is very much better than all the replacements I have bought before it, which is a different thing.
Verdict: Proven, but with an asterisk. In this case I paid ~$50 to stop searching.
Crown Affair
Total cost: ~$80
I’m about six weeks into my Crown Affair hair routine after my girls’ trip focus group and I have to say I still love it. The smoothing air dry cream is light and doesn’t leave my hair greasy. The finishing gel holds my baby hairs without plastering them down so I can still let my hair loose if I want to. These products give my hair options, which nothing else I have tried has been able to do.
I keep trying to photograph a good hair day. I look in the mirror and think my hair looks great, but when I snap a photo it’s just not the same. I’m not sure what to make of that, but I’ll take liking how I look in a Google Meet square or in the mirror any day.
Verdict: Still under review. So far, so good, but I don’t feel comfortable making a call after only six weeks. Will revisit in December.
The Candles
One Aesop, two Byredo, one of the big boy Diptyques.
Total cost: ~$500
I don’t light them. I got them before my daughter was born, but now I have a toddler and they are literally fire. I also remember watching something on IG when I was pregnant about the toxic fumes candles emit, which I have not verified and am not going to pretend I have, but the reel has clearly stuck with me.
So the candles sit on my dresser, side table, credenza and bathtub ledge, which is the real reason I believe people buy candles at this price. You’re buying the vessel and you get to show it off/keep it when the wax is gone. I repurposed an old Byredo vessel as a very chic holder for my tongue scraper.
Anyway, my daughter broke the big boy Diptyque. We tried to salvage it, but without the original ceramic it just isn’t the same. We put it in a hurricane glass and I found that I literally do not care about it at all. The wax is still there, so is the scent, but I have no feelings about it, which tells me I wasn’t into the candles merely for their scent. Though I will say, I still love my Byredo room spray, but not all fragrances are created equal.
Verdict: Not worth it. I don’t think I would really miss the candles if they were gone.
Biologique Recherche Crème Masque Vernix
Cost: ~$225
I already wrote about the facial I had at Biologique Recherche in Paris thanks to my very generous friends. I felt so lady and came out the other side feeling so reenergized that I of course needed to buy something to maintain the feeling. I purchased the Crème Masque Vernix because my facialist told me it was meant to replicate the vernix a baby is born with, which would be good for my very sensitive skin.
I had just had a baby, I wanted to look like I had slept like a baby, I was in Paris, it just all made sense in the moment. I brought the jar home and used it to the very last drop. I liked it. It wasn’t groundbreaking, but it felt nice and luxe.
Then I ran out and a friend happened to be going to Paris. I asked him to pick up a jar because in my head the math worked out slightly cheaper. Looking back, I think I missed a decimal point or something, but I swear it all added up at the time.
The novelty wore off about halfway through the second jar. It’s still in my medicine cabinet. I use it as a mask sometimes, but I’ve mostly moved on to a simpler, cheaper routine that I honestly think works better.
Verdict: My first jar was a souvenir and I’m okay with that. The second, imported jar was a mistake.
The Tiny Silk Rug
Cost: ~$1,200
My husband and I were in Turkey for our one-year wedding anniversary and we got wrapped up in wanting to buy something on the trip.
I’m staring at this tiny rug as I type this. It sits in front of our dresser and it’s very nice to step on. It’s a fine rug, but I can’t look at it without thinking about all the other things $1,200 could have bought. At the time of purchase, I think we told ourselves some lie about how this rug could live at the foot of our baby’s crib. The shop owner was also super charming, which never helps my case. We were obviously swept up in emotion and charisma so I can give myself a tiny bit of grace. I think sometimes I find myself worrying too much about manufacturing nostalgia.
Verdict: We’re f*cking idiots.
The bag and the rug were both expensive and both purchased on meaningful trips.
When it came to the bag, I really wanted it. I wanted it enough to lose sleep over it and to spend the last few hours of my vacation running around to find it.
With the rug, I wanted to have bought something. It was our anniversary. We were in Turkey, we had recently found out we were pregnant and I wanted something to remind me of that moment in time when we were transitioning from just us to something way bigger. The rug was that proof, but it could have been literally anything else.
Kind of the same thing with that second jar of Crème Masque Vernix. The facial was in Paris for my birthday and I needed to take something home from it because I thought it would preserve the feeling.
The candles are a different failure. I bought them for the life I had, but then my life changed (for the better) and now I feel nothing about them.
Except that’s also true of the bag. I bought that for the life I had too and it’s been on the shelf for ~2 years. The difference is that the bag got to do its thing every single day before my life changed shape around it while the candles sat around mostly unlit. I miss how wearing the bag makes me feel. I don’t miss anything about the candles.